


A Boy Is A Gun

by lemonimpact



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blow Jobs, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Rivalry, Sexy Times, Street Racing, Trans Male Character, being terribly attracted to ur rival while being gay is one hell of a drug bro, trans donghyuck is what we deserve :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonimpact/pseuds/lemonimpact
Summary: These first precious seconds, starting with Jaemin’s burning gaze and ending with one of them finishing the race, is where Donghyuck lives his entire life. In this short moment he feels full and empty at the same time, like he could liquidate and sink into the car’s upholstery or evaporate and form a thundering cloud in the sky; like he could murder Jaemin in cold blood or hold his life in his hands but spare him and walk away content. These seconds are the most addictive ones, because there is nothing sweeter in life than winning with Na Jaemin and leaving his shiny, black devil of a car behind.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 17
Kudos: 56





	A Boy Is A Gun

Racing used to be something that Donghyuck has incorporated as a part of his daily routine to such an extent that it was hard to imagine his life without it. It was wake up, wash his face and brush his teeth, eat breakfast, destroy his opponents on the streets, go home, fuck around and then go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. 

But Donghyuck couldn't necessarily complain back then. Underground racing, as illegal and risky as it is, makes a relatively good job. Honest work, his father would say, if they still talked. It’s great money when he wins, lots of support from his agency and team and something that doesn’t make him feel as tied down as a typical 9 to 5 desk job. A bit unconventional, but at the end of the day it's a job like any other one.

If Donghyuck sounds unenthusiastic - it’s because he is. Cars are something that he has always been good at, an effortless talent. His somewhat shady agency accepted him into their circle after seeing only one race of his and soon enough he was sliding alongside the most skilled racers in their region - and winning with every single one of them. He became famous, maybe even infamous in certain crowds, earning outlandish amounts of cash and the title of an unbeatable champion. 

But Donghyuck was pretty fucking bored, if he had to be honest. Winning was nice, but at the end of the day racing is about the _thrill._ It’s about the speed, lightning-quick decisions and the desire to come out on top, the uncertainty of it all. He loves how his hands sweat, heart pounds and lips smile - subconscious from the sheer endorphin high that sliding against others gives him. At the end of the day Donghyuck is an adrenaline junkie and if he doesn’t get his daily fix he might just get off the rails. He has never thrived within the bounds of set routines and repetitive actions, so racing had to start getting dull sooner or later.

If Donghyuck were to pinpoint one exact event that made his life interesting again, it had to be the arrival of Na Jaemin. 

When Jaemin stopped his car at the starting line for the first time, rivaling agency’s managements standing by his side and his Maserati exactly the same model as Donghyuck’s one, it was as though the entire crowd held its breath. A match made in heaven, the local underground news outlet reported that day, as Donghyuck won a match by a time margin of less than a second for the first time in 4 years. _A match made in heaven, indeed,_ Donghyuck agreed as he lost the next race. Still agreed when he won the one after that.

Donghyuck and Jaemin developed an unspoken understanding of sorts, starting at that very moment. Donghyuck looked Jaemin up, he knew that he was also a champion of the city that he hailed from, he knew what that meant for people like them, because he lived it. When he talked to Jaemin for the first time all of his suspicions were confirmed - he was restless and unsatisfied and was a thrill-seeker just like Donghyuck was. Maybe they were more alike than he suspected at first and maybe they could help each other.

What was _not_ according to his expectations was the relationship that formed between the two of them. Donghyuck has the pleasure of maintaining friendly relations with many of the racers that he has beat in the past, nothing too deep, but still built on mutual understanding and respect for each others’ skills. He even went out for drinks with competitive drivers from some of the rivaling companies a few times, their banter unforgiving, but oh, how familiar. Everyone knows it’s more fun to win against your mates rather than a random stranger. 

However, Donghyuck and Jaemin were different. Even during their first meeting Jaemin was cold, maybe not rude, but rather distanced. He regarded Donghyuck like a potential threat, not a colleague and that - _that_ is what really peaked Donghyuck’s interest. It’s been a while since he had a rival who was an equal. 

But Donghyuck was in no way, shape or form prepared for the sheer intensity of his and Jaemin’s relationship. He was not ready for the stares, the shared cigarettes smoked together after their most electrifying races, the way Jaemin would immediately join each and every competition that Donghyuck would take part in and vice versa. It’s unclear, sometimes, with the way they can go weeks ignoring each other, stares apathetic, only to go back to their rivalry like they were born to compete. He doesn’t know if they like each other, the two of them, but there is something between them, something bigger than Donghyuck could ever willingly sign up for. He’s burning with the ambiguity of it. 

He is also not prepared for this:

“What are you gonna do? Suck me off?” 

They’ve just finished a race, another win for Jaemin. He was on a lucky streak this week - three for Jaemin and only one for Donghyuck. It is easier to swallow the bitter defeat in the dark after midnight, both of them hiding in an inconspicuous parking lot a few kilometers outside of the city. Smoking, maybe talking, sharp, sometimes teasing words hurled at each other. Mostly they are just silent when they are together. That isn’t the case this time - Donghyuck is still feeling raw after his spectacular loss and wants to get under Jaemin’s skin the way he gets under his. If not with actions, then with words.

Donghyuck doesn’t know why he’s doing this. Donghyuck knows why he's doing this. 

“No, not really. I don’t blow losers.” With each word Jaemin’s smart mouth opens into a wider and wider smirk until the greasy smile enclosed his molars just like an intricate frame would surround an expensive painting - one precious thing on another. Soon it would be big enough to swallow up the sun and Donghyuck would be devoured, too. He would be fucked up for enjoying it. “But I can kiss you.”

“Kiss _me_?” Donghyuck asks, strangely taken aback. 

It’s always difficult with Na Jaemin. 

It’s always the same thing with him, too, he knows what to expect. Because when Donghyuck is speeding past the sheer headache of Seoul’s neon district - hand on five, the gas pedal pressed deeper, clutch kicked to the floor and a shift to six - the only thing on his mind is the finish line 300, maybe 350 meters ahead of him, yet he still turns his head to the right to see Jaemin. Him, in his all-black, modified Maserati, with eyes set on fire and on Donghyuck. They see each other for a fraction of a second and then it’s _on_.

These precious seconds, starting with Jaemin’s burning gaze and ending with one of them finishing the race, is where Donghyuck lives his entire life. In this short moment he feels full and empty at the same time, like he could liquidate and sink into the car’s upholstery or evaporate and form a thundering cloud in the sky; like he could murder Jaemin in cold blood or hold his life in his hands but spare him and walk away content. These seconds are the most addictive ones, because there is nothing sweeter in life than winning with Na Jaemin and leaving his shiny, black devil behind.

(Surprisingly, it’s almost just as thrilling to be left behind, too.)

Another reason why Donghyuck likes racing against Jaemin is because it’s a constant. Nevermind which one of them wins, nevermind where, and nevermind who else will be sliding just at the periphery of their vision - Jaemin will always be there, hot on his heels and not giving in until the finish line. They’re perfectly matched, in skill, in their times, in their cars and in everything else. It’s like Jaemin was made for Donghyuck, just the way Donghyuck was created for Jaemin, for them to compete with each other and be right on the verge of one of them finally winning for good. 

This is why Donghyuck’s races with Jaemin are always going to be an inherent part of his underground life - it’s a never-ending thrill inside a safe, unchanging factor, something he needs to not go mental.

But this, the unaddressed tension and Donghyuck’s desire to bring Jaemin to his knees - this is the least safe thing in his life. It’s changing the comforting but never comfortable limbo in which he and Jaemin find themselves in. He’s not sure if anything good is going to come out of this, but he’ll be damned if he lets Jaemin win. Even if it’s not on track, backing down means being the one who loses.

“Surprised, Lee? You see anyone else I could be kissing?”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, clearly not amused by Jaemin’s snarky response but not dignifying him with something just as cutting either. He can only suspect just how much this conversation is costing Jaemin, that acknowledging the actual reason for the tension between them must not be easy. He understands that this time his competitor is hiding something behind his dangerous teeth, something deep in his throat that Donghyuck dreams about pulling out and saying out loud. 

_Ruin me_ , he thinks, _ruin me and I will ruin you in return and we won’t stop until there is nothing left to destroy_. 

“There is no need for niceties Na, if you want to kiss me then just say it. You wouldn’t be the first one who'll fail to resist my charms. Everyone falls prey to them, one way or another.” Donghyuck responds cheekily, hoping the stretched-out smug smile on his face would cover up his shaking hands and the fear of what they’re about to do.

Jaemin pushes away from his own car and zeros in on Donghyuck like he’s a target - takes a slow step towards him like he’s approaching a prey. That’s probably how Jaemin sees him: a conquest, something to be done and over with so that they can rid themselves of this impenetrable tension and continue as if nothing ever happened. 

The problem lies in the fact that they were always too similar for their own good and just like Donghyuck is prey to Jaemin, Jaemin is prey to Donghyuck. 

So he approaches Jaemin, grips his shoulders, shoves him against the black Maserati and kisses him. Donghyuck presses into him with his whole body, does his damnedest to pry out whatever Na Jaemin is guarding behind his lips like a secret. Jaemin takes a second to respond, like he’s surprised by Donghyuck taking the initiative, which makes Donghyuck smirk into their kiss with satisfaction. There are few things in life that taste as sweet as making Na Jaemin lose his carefully crafted composure.

Soon enough Jaemin bites back, their lips sliding together. It’s too slick, too fast and too consuming and Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s kissed more people than he can count, but this is just different in all the ways that Donghyuck can’t quite unpack right now, with Jaemin’s body hot and sturdy under his hands and their lips collapsing against each other.

Jaemin tilts his head to the right and tries to kiss Donghyuck deeper, tear him apart with his tongue and teeth and lips and everything that makes the man that is Na Jaemin. Donghyuck lets him, in favour of sliding his hands under the edge of his shirt and mapping out his stomach, brushing his palm over the coarse hairs at the bottom of Jaemin’s abdomen. He scratches gently over the happy trail and Jaemin moans quietly into his mouth, tilting back his head and leaning it on the hood of the car, allowing Donghyuck to bite over his Adam's apple. Donghyuck takes pleasure in trailing his mouth over Jaemin’s stretched out throat, slobbering over the hot skin and putting his teeth on his collarbones. 

All of this could look like Donghyuck is making Jaemin submit, but that’s not the case - Donghyuck feels the way his body moves, how Jaemin allows Donghyuck to exert pressure on him and does not cave unwillingly even once. Jaemin lets him kiss him, wants this in a way that’s familiar to Donghyuck and he can't help but think that maybe here, in this moment, they could be equals for once. Donghyuck is taking something for himself from Jaemin, but Jaemin doesn’t leave empty handed either - there are two winners in this game. Donghyuck thinks that he can grow to love this new constant where there is no real struggle, only reaping of rewards.

Maybe this is what makes Donghyuck blurt this out:

“Can I blow you? Since you won’t do it.”

Jaemin lifts his head off the Maserati’s hood to look at Donghyuck from under his dark eyelashes. He’s breathing too fast, Donghyuck’s own hand on the side of Jaemin’s neck letting him feel just how rapidly his pulse races. Just from kissing, just from some firm touches - Jaemin is just as wonderfully responsive as dependable and sturdy and Donghyuck wants to touch him until he has no skin on his hands anymore, all rubbed away from the friction. 

Jaemin looks at him with too much desire for one man to handle and just as much apprehension as Donghyuck finds inside of his own self. Kissing - he's grown desensitized to kissing, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s what you do while drunk and forget in the morning. On the other hand, this is something that crosses a boundary, a line that there will be no coming back from. Maybe Donghyuck is a bit prudish like this, but Jaemin does not mean nothing to him and even now he’s painfully aware that he will still be thinking about these kisses late at night when he can’t fall asleep. If just some making out can disturb his sleep schedule, what would going further do to him? Jaemin’s anxiety is comforting because it allows Donghyuck to see that this volatile affection and Donghyuck himself are not trivial to Jaemin, that he’s not alone in his desire. 

Jaemin blinks and after a moment reaches for Donghyuck’s belt loops to tug him closer. “Yeah,” He starts, staring intensely into Donghyuck’s eyes, only to focus on his lips a moment later, reaching up to slowly trace their rough texture and shape with his thumb, “Yeah, you can. Do whatever you want to me.”

Jaemin’s words shake Donghyuck to his very core and make him realize just how extremely different this is from their safe constant. _They’re_ different, weirdly intimate and even more fervent than when they are on the track. He was wrong when he said that maybe this could be the first time that they’re both in the winning position. Jaemin’s words disarm him and equip him with the knowledge that in reality they are both too desperate for each other to care about the consequences. They both have already lost. There is no pride to salvage. 

Donghyuck can be a loser this once if it means that Jaemin’s callous hand under his button up and on his lower back is the consolation prize, other palm slowly moving to his front and gently gliding over the scars under Donghyuck’s pecs. Jaemin kisses him again, this time slower and with less spit and teeth involved. If they were in another universe, if they were different Jaemin and Donghyuck, if their teams weren’t rivals - then maybe it could even be described as tender. But they weren’t and it wasn’t, so Donghyuck grips Jaemin’s hips, almost feeling the protruding bones hidden under the material of his jeans. He glides his hands along Jaemin’s body as they kiss, trying to garner the courage he needs to get his hands on Jaemin’s dick. 

“Are you going to start anytime soon?” Jaemin’s amused comment is followed by him gently biting Donghyuck's lip. Donghyuck would feel intimidated by Jaemin’s confidence, had it not been for the fact that the hand placed at his chest is shaking slightly, muscles contracting irregularly and he knows that Jaemin’s bravado is merely a facade. This gives him the needed push to wrench his hand between their bodies and cup Jaemin through his jeans, squeezing gently. He’s not the only one that’s scared of what is awaiting them on the other side, but fear is not enough to stop them. He locks his eyes with Jaemin’s and pops the button above his groin, slides the zipper down, slowly, not looking away once. He leans in to leave a final kiss on Jaemin’s Adam’s apple before he gets on his knees. 

The asphalt digs into his legs uncomfortably, but he still takes his time with pulling Jaemin’s cock out of his boxer briefs. He’s of an average size, probably a bit thicker than Donghyuck himself is judging by how he feels heavier in his hand. He jerks him a few times to get used to the feeling, Jaemin squirming around and breathing heavily in response. When Donghyuck looks up Jaemin is already looking at him, his face flushed and gaze hazy, hands clenching uselessly on the side of his demon car. Donghyuck adores how responsive Jaemin is in ways he cannot even begin to express.

He grabs Jaemin’s hand and puts it in his own hair.

“Don’t tug.” he says and without waiting for Jaemin’s response he puts him in his mouth, swallowing Jaemin down centimeter after centimeter, a heavy, warm weight on his tongue. His jaw starts to ache right from the get go, but he carries on until he manages to hit his throat’s limit. He wraps his damp hand around the rest of the cock he can’t fit inside of his mouth and starts sucking gently, moving his head back and forth on the length, careful not to scrape the delicate member in his mouth with his sharp teeth. He can feel the way Jaemin’s body shakes, his hand clutching at Donghyuck’s curls but not pulling at them, just the way Donghyuck asked of him. 

Jaemin is so deliciously obedient and receptive, his little huffs of air and trembling body spurring Donghyuck on more than even the most adrenaline-inducing car races do. He tries taking Jaemin to the very hilt but soon enough his gag reflex makes itself known and he needs to take a moment to not choke on Jaemin’s cock. As Donghyuk tries to regain his breathing, coughing a bit, Jaemin gently scratches at his scalp; a stolen moment of intimacy. 

“Take your time.” Jaemin murmurs quitely, a sentiment so loving and different from his previous attitude that it feels like it cannot be real. Neither of them comment on it.

Now, Donghyuck is much more aware of what to expect. He spits into his hand and puts it back on Jaemin’s cock, the saliva making the slide easier. He takes the very tip into his mouth and starts sucking lightly, his other hand reaching back to Jaemin’s balls and gently turning them over in his palm, playing with them. Jaemin above him has already lost his gentle and caring composure from minutes ago and instead has turned into a shivering, heaving hallucination, almost like something created by Donghyuck’s overactive mind. Usually he tries not to focus on the way Jaemin looks, but right now and within this lustful haze that they have found themselves in he can quietly admit that Jaemin is beautiful. That his handsome jaw, long lashes, tender hands and the wind-swept hair aren’t indifferent to him - and haven’t been indifferent for a long time. That maybe, just maybe, something very small and gentle has been blooming in his heart which he has refused to acknowledge.

Donghyuck starts inching down Jaemin’s cock once again, this time more careful and mindful of where he should stop. When he halts, he slips his hand under Jaemin’s shirt and puts it over his warm, sweat-sticky stomach, feeling how its taunt surface shivers with every breath that Jaemin takes. Then, he cuts loose any of the inhibitions he still had - Donghyuck hollows his cheeks, sucking Jaemin in harshly, and begins moving back and forth on his dick, pleasuring him to the best of his abilities. When he also starts using his tongue, massaging Jaemin’s downside, he lets out a drawn out moan and Donghyuck feels the way his abdominal muscles quiver under his hand. Jaemin shakes like a bowstring, Donghyuck playing him like he was made to do it, skillful mouth and hands bringing Jaemin to the brink of madness. Jaemin starts tugging unpleasantly on Donghyuck’s hair, instinctually and lost in the throes of passion, drawing tears to Donghyuck’s eyes. He pinches Jaemin on the thigh and looks up, hoping that his displeased expression sends enough of a message. Jaemin quickly rests his hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder instead, eyes apologetic.

What he doesn’t expect is for Jaemin’s other hand to wind up on his stomach, covering Donghyuck’s hand with his own and intertwining their fingers together. Jaemin’s palm is hot and sweaty and Donghyuck can’t find it within himself to be grossed out by it. Jaemin squeezes Donghyuck’s hand, Donghyuck squeezes back and he goes back to the task at hand.

He sucks Jaemin in as deeply as he can, the tight squeeze of his throat giving Jaemin the kind of wet friction that he is seeking. Donghyuck alternates between keeping Jaemin’s dick in his mouth and licking at the shaft from the bottom to the top, focusing on the sensitive head, teasing it with the very tip of his tongue. He dips the head of Jaemin’s cock between his lips and swirls his tongue around it, calmly observing the way Jaemin loses his mind. As soon as Donghyuck swallows Jaemin down again and his jaw begins to get really sore, Jaemin’s eyes close and he starts to tremble all over. He observes this with a focus of someone seeing a once in a lifetime event, knowing he won’t forgive himself if he misses even the smallest detail. Jaemin tilts his head back and lays it on the roof of his Maserati, exposing his throat attractively, his stomach moving in a nervous staccato of something on the brink of breakage. Jaemin grips Donghyuck’s hand tighter and with a quiet keen spills down his throat.

Donghyuck does his best to swallow the cum overflowing in his mouth but ultimately spits out Jaemin’s dick out of sheer disgust for the taste, leaving some of the white fluid smeared on his lips and chin. He still can’t stop looking up at Jaemin.

_Did I ruin you?_ Donghyuck thinks desperately, watching the way Jaemin slowly regains his breath and combs back the messy hair from his forehead. Feels the moment when Jaemin’s fingers untangle from Donghyuck’s ones, the way his own hand falls to his lap. _Did I ruin us?_

Donghyuck stops observing him then, looks down when he sees Jaemin zipping up his jeans. Jaemin starts putting himself together in the periphery of his vision and Donghyuck wonders if he’s even ready to see the way he’s about to transform back, from Donghyuck’s lover to his rival. He tries to focus on his own clenched fists laid on his thighs. 

“Um, yeah. Thanks for that.” Jaemin utters out awkwardly, pushing his hands into his pants’ pockets.There is tension between them again, but it’s not the same kind that made Donghyuck get on his knees.

“It’s no problem.” Donghyuk responds, monotone, his throat raspy from overuse. 

But it is a problem, though, isn’t it? Donghyuck has Jaemin’s sweat on his fingers, his cum on his lips and the ghost of his touch on his shoulder. And maybe most importantly - a memory, a vision imprinted on the back of his eyelids and carved into the soft tissue of his brain. Problems come and go, but this, this Donghyuck doesn’t know how to banish. Donghyuck can’t let this become a problem in the first place.

(It’s a bit too late for that.)

Donghyuck raises his head and his gaze meets Jaemin’s. He looks young and lost - just as lost as Donghyuck feels. _What now?_ His eyes seem to ask. _What will we become now?_

Jaemin smiles at Donghyuck weakly, tries to raise his trembling lips into something that looks like an imitation of his typical self-assured grin. There is no bravado left, only Donghyuck at Jaemin’s feet, paralyzed, his rival standing over him and this oppressive silence filling the air and hanging over them. Neither of them are equals when they don’t know where they stand in the first place. 

Jaemin observes Donghyuck for a while longer, probably expecting some kind of reaction out of him, a smile, anything. But Donghyuck feels like if he says a single word a whole river of words will spill out, all of the feelings that were blossoming secretly inside of him. _Were we ever on the opposite sides? Were we meant to become lovers since the very beginning?_ He feels like the very axes of the planet were tilted, removing the steady ground from underneath his feet. What is he supposed to say to Jaemin when he doesn’t even know what he’s feeling anymore?

Jaemin keeps on looking at Donghyuck until he doesn’t anymore. He turns around on his heels and reaches for his car’s door handle. He opens it and gets in, the light reflecting on the door’s black curvature and imitating deep, shimmering sea waves, turbulent and unrelenting. Donghyuck focuses his empty gaze on them, spaced out. He doesn’t even know why he notices this.

“See you at the next race, Donghyuck.” Jaemin says faintly through his car’s open window, revs the engine and drives away. Donghyuck doesn’t even try to stop him, so soon enough the black Maserati disappears from the quiet parking lot, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake.

Donghyuck blinks, does his best to focus his teary eyes, squeezes them tightly only to open them again. He tries to stand up, but his legs are weary from staying in the same position for a long time and he curses as he almost trips. He tries to straighten his legs again, slower this time, and rises on his shaky feet. His throat feels parched and he tries licking his lips, only to be reminded of the cum overleft on them. He spits to the ground hoping to rid himself of the taste but he’s not very successful. 

Jaemin’s tang stays with him on his way back home, in his mouth and his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> come chat with me on twitter!: [@lemonimpact](https://twitter.com/lemonimpact)
> 
> dear prompter, thank you so much for submitting your idea, i really enjoyed writing this fic! i hope this will fulfill at least some of your expectations! :)) i'm looking forward to your thoughts.  
> dear boyfriend, i hope you really enjoyed converting me into nahyuckism! this fic is dedicated to you and i love you so much. i hope you will like this one as much as i liked writing it <33 to many more amazing works, sweetheart!! <33333  
> dear reader, thank you for giving this fic your time and attention! i really hope you liked it. feel free to leave kudos and comments :)) <33


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